OncetheSon,NowtheFather
W.W.米德/W.W.Meade
OnewintereveningasIsatreading,myyoungson,Luke,approachedmychairinshysilence.Hestoodjustoutsidethehalf-moonoflightmadebyanoldbrassstudentlampIcherish.Itoncelightedmydoctorfather』sofficedesk.
Inthosedays,LukelikedtoapproachmewithhismostseriousproblemswhenIwasreading.Theyearbefore,hedidthiswheneverIwasworkinginthegarden.Perhaps,hefeltmostateasewithdifficultieswhenIwasdoingwhathewasgettingreadytodo.Whenhewasinterestedingrowingthings,helearnedtoplantseedsandleavetheminthegroundinsteadofdiggingthemuptheverynextmorningtoseeiftheyhadgrown.Nowhewasbeginningtoreadtohimself—althoughhewouldn』tadmittomethathecoulddothat.
Ilookedupfrommypaper,andhegavemehiswide-opengrin.Thenhisexpressionturnedabruptlyserious,anot-too-flatteringimitationofme.「Ibrokemysaw,」hesaid,withdrawingthetoyfrombehindhisback.「Here.」
Hedidn』taskifIcouldfixit.HistrustthatIcouldwasacomplimentfromasmallboytothemiraclefixeroftricycles,wagonsandassortedtoys.Thesaw』sblueplastichandlehadsnapped.Myfather,whotreasuredthetoolsofallprofessions,wouldnothaveapprovedofaplastic-handledsaw.
Isaid,「Therearepiecesmissing.Doyouhavethem?」
Heopenedhisclenchedfisttorevealtheremainingfragments.Ididnotseehowthesawcouldbeproperlymended.
Hewatchedmeintently,hisexpressionrevealingabsoluteconfidencethatIcoulddoanything.Thatlookstirredmemories.Iexaminedthesawwithgreatcare,turningoverthebrokenpiecesinmyhandsasIturnedoverthepastinmymind.
WhenIwasseven,I』dgonetomyfather』sofficeafterschooloneNovemberday.MyfatherwasclearlythebestdoctorwithinathousandmilesofthesmallOhioRivertownwherewelived.Healwaysastonishedme—andhispatients—bythethingshecoulddo.Hecouldnotonlyhealwhateverwasthematterwithanyone,buthecouldalsobreakahorse,carveatopandslidedownLongHillonmysled,standingup!Ilikedtohangaroundhiswaitingroomandhearpeoplecallme「littleDoc」,andIlikedthewayhispatientsalwayslookedbetterwhentheylefthisoffice.
Butonthisday,whenIwasseven,mypurposewastoseemybestfriend,JimmyHardesty.Hehadn』tbeeninschoolforthreedays,andhismotherhadsentwordtomyfather』snursethatshejustmightbringJimmyintoseethedoctortoday.
Whenthelastoftheafternoon』spatientshadgone,Jimmyhadstillnotarrived.MyfatherandIthenwentofftomakehousecalls.Helikedtohavemewithhim,becausehelikedtotellstorieswhenhedrove.Itwasnearlysevenwhenwefinished.Aswestartedhome,myfathersaidsuddenly,「Let』sgoupandcheckonoldJimmy.」Ifeltsquirmywithgratitude,certainthatmyfatherwasdoingthisjusttopleaseme.Butwhenwecameinsightoftheoldgraystonehouse,therewasalightintheupstairsbackwindowandanotheronthebackporch—theancientbeaconsoftrouble.
Myfatherpulledthecarrightintothedooryard.Alice,Jimmy』soldersister,camerunningoutofthehouseandthrewherarmsaroundmyfather,cryingandshakingandtryingtotalk.「Oh,Doc.Jimmy』sdying!Dad』schasingalloverthecountylookingforyou.Thankgoodnessyou』rehere.」
Myfatherneverran.Heusedtosaytherewasnogoodreasontohurry.Ifyouhadtohurry,itwastoolate.ButhetoldAlicetoletgooffhim,andheranthen.Ifollowedthemthroughtheyeasty-smellingkitchenandupthenarrow,darkhallstairs.Jimmywasbreathingveryfastandmadeahigh,airysound.Hehadmoundsofquiltspiledoverhim,sothatIcouldbarelyseehisfaceintheflickeringlightofthekerosenelamps.Helookedallwornoutandhisskinglistened.
Hismothersaid,「Oh,Doc.Helpus.Itwasjustalittlecold,thenthisafternoonhestartedthisterriblesweat.」
IhadneverseenJimmy』smotherwithoutanaprononbefore.Shestoodbehindme,bothherhandsonmyshoulders,asmyfatherlistenedtoJimmy』schest.Hefixedahypodermicandheldtheneedleuptothelight.Iwascertainthatitwasthemiracleweallmusthave.MyfathergaveJimmytheshot.HethengotagauzepadfromhisblackcaseandputitoverJimmy』smouth.Hebentoverhimandbegantobreathewithhim.Noonemovedinthatroomandtherewasnoothersoundexceptthesteadypushingofmyfather』sbreathandJimmy』shigh,wheezingresponse.
Thensuddenlyaslightning,therewastheawfulsoundofmyfather』sbreathingalone.Ifelthismother』shandstightenonmyshouldersandknew,assheknew,thatsomethinghadsnapped.ButmyfatherkeptonbreathingintoJimmy』slungs.Afteralongtime,Mrs.Hardestywentovertothebed,putherhandonmyfather』sarmandsaid,veryquietly,「He』sgone,Doc.Comeaway.Myboy』snotwithusanymore.」Butmyfatherwouldnotmove.
Mrs.Hardestytookmebythehandthen,andwewentdowntothekitchen.ShesatinarockerandAlice,lookingasforlornasI』veeverseenanybodylook,threwherselfonhermother』slap.Iwentoutontotheporchandsatdownonthetopstepinthecolddarkness.Iwantednoonetoseeorhearme.