TheTerribly,TragicallySadMan
洛倫·賽伯爾德/LorenSeibold
Oncetherewasaboywholivedinabighouseonahill.Heloveddogsandhorses,sportscarsandmusic.Heclimbedtreesandwentswimming,playedfootballandadmiredprettygirls.Exceptforhavingtopickupafterhimself,hehadanicelife.
OnedaytheboysaidtoGod,「I』vebeenthinking,andIknowwhatIwantwhenIbecomeaman.」
「What?」askedGod.
「IwanttoliveinabighousewithaporchacrossthefrontandtwoSaintBernardsandagardenoutback.Iwanttomarryawomanwhoistallandverybeautifulandkind,whohaslong,blackhairandblueeyes,andwhoplaystheguitarandsingsinaclear,highvoice.
「Iwantthreestrongsonstoplayfootballwith.Whentheygrowup,onewillbeagreatscientist,onewillbeasenatorandtheyoungestwillquarterbackforthe49ers.
「Iwanttobeanadventurerwhosailsvastoceansandclimbstallmountainsandrescuespeople.AndIwanttodrivearedFerrariandneverhavetopickupaftermyself.」
「Thatsoundslikeanicedream,」saidGod,「Iwantyoutobehappy.」
Oneday,playingfootball,theboyhurthisknee.Afterthathecouldn』tclimbtallmountainsoreventalltrees,muchlesssailvastoceans.Sohestudiedmarketingandstartedamedical-suppliesbusiness.
Hemarriedagirlwhowasverybeautifulandverykindandwhohadlong,blackhair.Butshewasshort,nottall,andhadbrowneyes,notblue.Shecouldn』tplaytheguitar,orevensing.ButshepreparedwonderfulmealsseasonedwithrareChinesespicesandpaintedmagnificentpicturesofbirds.
Becauseofhisbusiness,helivedinacitynearthetopofatallapartmentbuildingthatoverlookedtheblueoceanandthecity』stwinklinglights.Hedidn』thaveroomfortwoSaintBernards,buthehadafluffycat.
Hehadthreedaughters,allverybeautiful.Theyoungest,whowasinawheelchair,wastheloveliest.Thethreedaughterslovedtheirfatherverymuch.Theydidn』tplayfootballwithhim,butsometimestheywenttotheparkandtossedaFrisbee—exceptfortheyoungest,whosatunderatreestrummingherguitarandsinginglovely,hauntingsongs.
Hemadeenoughmoneytolivecomfortably,buthedidn』tdrivearedFerrari.Sometimeshehadtopickupthingsandputthemawayeventhingsthatdidn』tbelongtohim.Afterall,hehadthreedaughters.
Thenonemorningthemanawokeandrememberedhisdream.「Iamverysad,」hesaidtohisbestfriend.
「Why?」askedhisfriend.
「BecauseIoncedreamedofmarryingatallwomanwithblackhairandblueeyeswhowouldplaytheguitarandsing.Mywifecan』tplaytheguitarorsing.Shehasbrowneyes,andshe』snottall.」
「Yourwifeisbeautifulandverykind,」saidhisfriend.「Shecreatessplendidpicturesanddeliciousfood.」
Butthemanwasn』tlistening.
「Iamverysad,」themanconfessedtohiswifeoneday.
「Why?」askedhiswife.
「BecauseIoncedreamedoflivinginabighousewithaporch,andofhavingtwoSaintBernardsandagardenoutback.Instead,Iliveinanapartmentonthe47thfloor.」
「Ourapartmentiscomfortable,andwecanseetheoceanfromourcouch,」repliedhiswife.「Wehavelove,laughterandpaintingsofbirdsandfluffycat—nottomentionthreebeautifulchildren.」
Butthemanwasn』tlistening.
「Iamverysad,」themansaidtohistherapist.
「Why?」askedthetherapist.
「BecauseIoncedreamedthatIwouldgrowuptobeagreatadventurer.Instead,I』mabaldbusinessmanwithabadknee.」
「Themedicalsuppliesyousellhavesavedmanylives,」saidthetherapist.
Butthemanwasn』tlistening.Sohistherapistchargedhim$110andsenthimhome.
「Iamverysad,」themansaidtohisaccountant.
「Why?」askedtheaccountant.
「BecauseIoncedreamedofdrivingaredFerrariandofneverhavingtopickupaftermyself.Instead,Itakepublictransportation,andsometimesIstillhavetocleanup.」
「Youweargoodsuits.Youeatatfinerestaurants,andyou』vetouredEurope,」saidhisaccountant.
Butthemanwasn』tlistening.Hisaccountantchargedhim$100anyway.HewasdreamingofaredFerrarihimself.
「Iamverysad,」themansaidtohisminister.
「Why?」askedtheminister.
「BecauseIoncedreamedofhavingthreesons:agreatscientist,apoliticianandaquarterback.Instead,Ihavethreedaughters,andtheyoungestcan』tevenwalk.」
「Butyourdaughtersarebeautifulandintelligent,」saidtheminister.
「Theyloveyouverymuch,andthey』vealldonewell.Oneisanurse,anotherisanartistandtheyoungestteachesmusictochildren.」
Butthemanwasn』tlistening.Hewassosadthathebecameverysick.Helayinawhitehospitalroomsurroundedbynursesinwhiteuniforms.Tubesandwiresconnectedhisbodytoblinkingmachinesthathehadoncesoldtothehospital.