WarsawwasthenunderRussiandomination,andoneoftheworstaspectsofthiscontrolwastheoppressionexertedontheschoolandthechild.TheprivateschoolsdirectedbyPoleswerecloselywatchedbythepoliceandoverburdenedwiththenecessityofteachingtheRussianlanguageeventochildrensoyoungthattheycouldscarcelyspeaktheirnativePolish.Nevertheless,sincetheteacherswerenearlyallofPolishnationality,theyendeavoredineverypossiblewaytomitigatethedifficultiesresultingfromthenationalpersecution.Theseschools,however,couldnotlegallygivediplomas,whichwereobtainableonlyinthoseofthegovernment.
Thelatter,entirelyRussian,weredirectlyopposedtothePolishnationalspirit.AllinstructionwasgiveninRussian,byRussianprofessors,who,beinghostiletothePolishnation,treatedtheirpupilsasenemies.Menofmoralandintellectualdistinctioncouldscarcelyagreetoteachinschoolswhereanalienattitudewasforceduponthem.Sowhatthepupilsweretaughtwasofquestionablevalue,andthemoralatmospherewasaltogetherunbearable.Constantlyheldinsuspicionandspiedupon,thechildrenknewthatasingleconversationinPolish,oranimprudentword,mightseriouslyharm,notonlythemselves,butalsotheirfamilies.Amidstthesehostilities,theylostallthejoyoflife,andprecociousfeelingsofdistrustandindignationweighedupontheirchildhood.Ontheotherside,thisabnormalsituationresultedinexcitingthepatrioticfeelingofPolishyouthstothehighestdegree.
Yetofthisperiodofmyearlyyouth,darkenedthoughitwasbymourningandthesorrowofoppression,Istillkeepmorethanonepleasantremembrance.Inourquietbutoccupiedlife,reunionsofrelativesandfriendsofourfamilybroughtsomejoy.MyfatherwasveryinterestedinliteratureandwellacquaintedwithPolishandforeignpoetry;heevencomposedpoetryhimselfandwasabletotranslateitfromforeignlanguagesintoPolishinaverysuccessfulway.Hislittlepoemsonfamilyeventswereourdelight.OnSaturdayeveningsheusedtoreciteorreadtousthemasterpiecesofPolishproseandpoetry.Theseeveningswereforusagreatpleasureandasourceofrenewedpatrioticfeelings.
SincemychildhoodIhavehadastrongtasteforpoetry,andIwillinglylearnedbyheartlongpassagesfromourgreatpoets,thefavoriteonesbeingMickiewecz,KrasinskiandSlowacki.ThistastewasevenmoredevelopedwhenIbecameacquaintedwithforeignliteratures;myearlystudiesincludedtheknowledgeofFrench,German,andRussian,andIsoonbecamefamiliarwiththefineworkswrittenintheselanguages.LaterIfelttheneedofknowingEnglishandsucceededinacquiringtheknowledgeofthatlanguageanditsliterature.
Mymusicalstudieshavebeenveryscarce.Mymotherwasamusicianandhadabeautifulvoice.Shewantedustohavemusicaltraining.Afterherdeath,havingnomoreencouragementfromher,Isoonabandonedthiseffort,whichIoftenregrettedafterwards.
Ilearnedeasilymathematicsandphysics,asfarasthesesciencesweretakeninconsiderationintheschool.Ifoundinthisreadyhelpfrommyfather,wholovedscienceandhadtoteachithimself.HeenjoyedanyexplanationhecouldgiveusaboutNatureandherways.Unhappily,hehadnolaboratoryandcouldnotperformexperiments.
Theperiodsofvacationswereparticularlycomforting,when,escapingthestrictwatchofthepoliceinthecity,wetookrefugewithrelativesorfriendsinthecountry.Therewefoundthefreelifeoftheold-fashionedfamilyestate;racesinthewoodsandjoyousparticipationinworkinthefar-stretching,levelgrain-fields.AtothertimeswepassedtheborderofourRussian-ruleddivisionandwentsouthwardsintothemountaincountryofGalicia,wheretheAustrianpoliticalcontrolwaslessoppressivethanthatwhichwesuffered.TherewecouldspeakPolishinallfreedomandsingpatrioticsongswithoutgoingtoprison.
Myfirstimpressionofthemountainswasveryvivid,becauseIhadbeenbroughtupintheplains.SoIenjoyedimmenselyourlifeintheCarpathianvillages,theviewofthepikes,theexcursionstothevalleysandtothehighmountainlakeswithpicturesquenamessuchas:"TheEyeoftheSea."However,Ineverlostmyattachmenttotheopenhorizonandthegentleviewsofaplainhillcountry.
LaterIhadtheopportunitytospendavacationwithmyfatherfarmoresouthinPodolia,andtohavethefirstviewoftheseaatOdessa,andafterwardsattheBalticshore.Thiswasathrillingexperience.ButitwasinFrancethatIbecomeacquaintedwiththebigwavesoftheoceanandtheever-changingtide.Allmylifethrough,thenewsightsofNaturemademerejoicelikeachild.