SeeingPeopleoff
麥克斯·畢爾勃姆/MaxBeerbohm
Iamnotgoodatit.Todoitwellseemstomeoneofthemostdiff?icultthingsintheworld,andprobablyseemssotoyou,too.
ToseeafriendofffromWaterlootoVauxhallwereeasyenough.Butwearenevercalledontoperformthatsmallfeat.Itisonlywhenafriendisgoingonalongishjourney,andwillbeabsentforalanguishtime,thatweturnupattherailwaystation.Thedearerthefriendandthelongerthejourney,andthelongerthelikelyabsence,theearlierdoweturnup,andthemorelamentablydowefail.Ourfailureisinexactratiototheseriousnessoftheoccasion,andtothedepthofourfeeling.
Inaroom,orevenonadoorstep,wecanmakethefarewellquiteworthily.Wecanexpressinourfacesthegenuinesorrowwefeel.Nordowordsfailus.Thereisnoawkwardness,norestraint,oneitherside.Thethreadofourintimacyhasnotbeensnapped.Theleave-takingisanidealone.Whynot,then,leavetheleave-takingatthat?Always,departingfriendsimploreusnottobothertocometotherailwaystationnextmorning.Always,wearedeaftotheseentreaties,knowingthemtobenotquitesincere.Thedepartingfriendswouldthinkitveryoddofusifwetookthemattheirword.Besides,theyreallydowanttoseeusagain.Andthatwishisheartilyreciprocated.Wedulyturnup.Andthen,ohthen,whatagulfyawns!Westretchourarmsvainlyacrossit.Wehaveutterlylosttouch.Wehavenothingatalltosay.Wegazeateachotherasdumbanimalsgazeathumanbeings.We「makeconversation」—andsuchconversation!Weknowthatthesefriendsarethefriendsfromwhomwepartedovernight.Theyknowthatwehavenotaltered.Yet,onthesurface,everythingisdifferent;andthetensionissuchthatweonlylongfortheguardtoblowhiswhistleandputanendtothefarce.
OnacoldgreymorningoflastweekIdulyturnedupatEuston,toseeoffanoldfriendwhowasstartingforAmerica.
Overnight,wehadgivenhimafarewelldinner,inwhichsadnesswaswellmingledwithfestivity.Yearsprobablywouldelapsebeforehisreturn.Someofusmightneverseehimagain.Notignoringtheshadowofthefuture,wegailycelebratedthepast.Wewereasthankfultohaveknownourguestasweweregrievedtolosehim;andboththeseemotionsweremademanifest.Itwasaperfectfarewell.
Andnow,herewewere,stiffandself-consciousontheplatform;andframedinthewindowoftherailway-carriagewasthefaceofourfriend;butitwasasthefaceofastranger—astrangeranxioustoplease,anappealingstranger,anawkwardstranger.「Haveyougoteverything?」askedoneofus,breakingasilence.「Yes,everything,」aidourfriend,withapleasantnod.「Everything,」herepeated,withtheemphasisofanemptybrain.「You』llbeabletolunchonthetrain,」saidI,thoughtheprophecyhadalreadybeenmademorethanonce.「Oh,yes,」hesaidwithconviction.HeaddedthatthetrainwentstraightthroughtoLiverpool.Thisfactseemedtostrikeusasratherodd.Weexchangedglances.「Doesn』titstopatCrewe?」askedoneofus.「No,」saidourfriend,brief?ly.Heseemedalmostdisagreeable.Therewasalongpause.Oneofus,withanodandaforcedsmileatthetraveler,said「Well!」Thenod,thesmileandtheunmeaningmonosyllable,werereturnedconscientiously.Anotherpausewasbrokenbyoneofuswithaf?itofcoughing.Itwasanobviouslyassumedf?it,butitservedtopassthetime.Thebustleoftheplatformwasunabated.Therewasnosignofthetrain』sdeparture.Release—ours,andourfriend』s—wasnotyet.
Mywanderingeyealightedonaratherportlymiddle-agedmanwhowastalkingearnestlyfromtheplatformtoayoungladyatthenextwindowbutonetoours.Hisf?ineprof?ilewasvaguelyfamiliartome.TheyoungladywasevidentlyAmerican,andhewasevidentlyEnglish;otherwiseIshouldhaveguessedfromhisimpressiveairthathewasherfather.IwishedIcouldhearwhathewassaying.Iwassurehewasgivingtheverybestadvice;andthestrongtendernessofhisgazewasreallybeautiful.Heseemedmagnetic,ashepouredouthisf?inalinjunctions.IcouldfeelsomethingofhismagnetismevenwhereIstood.Andthemagnetism,liketheprof?ile,wasvaguelyfamiliartome.WherehadIexperiencedit?
Inaf?lashIremembered.ThemanwasHubertLeRos.ButhowchangedsincelastIsawhim!Thatwassevenoreightyearsago,intheStrand.Hewasthen(asusual)outofanengagement,andborrowedhalf-a-crown.Itseemedaprivilegetolendanythingtohim.Hewasalwaysmagnetic.AndwhyhismagnetismhadnevermadehimsuccessfulontheLondonstagewasalwaysamysterytome.Hewasanexcellentactor,andamanofsoberhabit.But,likemanyothersofhiskind,HubertLeRos(Idonot,ofcourse,givetheactualnamebywhichhewasknown)driftedspeedilyawayintotheprovinces;andI,likeeveryoneelse,ceasedtorememberhim.