「Beautiful」SheSaid
佚名/Anonymous
IneverthoughtthatIunderstoodher.Shealwaysseemedsofarawayfromme.Ilovedher,ofcourse.WesharedmutuallovefromthedayIwasborn.Icameintothisworldwithabashedheadanddeformedfeaturesbecauseofthehardlabormymotherhadgonethrough.FamilymembersandfriendswrinkledtheirnosesatthedisfiguredbabyIwas.TheyallcommentedonhowmuchIlookedlikeabeat-upfootballplayer.Butno,nother.NanathoughtIwasbeautiful.Hereyestwinkledwithsplendorandhappinessattheuglybabyinherarms.Herfirstgranddaughter.「Beautiful.」Shesaid.
Beforefinalexamsinmyjunioryearofhighschool,shedied.Sevenyearsago,herdoctorsdiagnosedNanawithAlzheimer』sdisease.Sevenyearsago,ourfamilybecameexpertsonthisdiseaseas,slowly,welosther.
Shealwaysspokeinfragmentedsentences.Astheyearspassed,thewordsshespokebecamefewerandfewer,untilfinallyshesaidnothingatall.Wewereluckytogetoneoccasionalwordoutofher.Itwasthenourfamilyknewshewasneartheend.
Aboutaweekorsobeforeshedied,shelosttheabilitiesforherbodytofunctionatall,andthedoctorsdecidedtomovehertoahospice.Ahospicewherethosewhoenteredwouldnevercomeout.
ItoldmyparentsIwantedtoseeher.Ihadtoseeher.Myuncontrollablecuriosityhadtakenastepabovemygut-wrenchingfear.
Mymotherbroughtmetothehospicetwodaysaftermyrequest.Mygrandfatherandtwoofmyauntswerethereaswell,butallhungbackinthehallwayasIenteredNana』sroom.Shewassittinginabig,fluffychairnexttoherbed,slouchedover,eyesshut,mouthnumblyhangingopen.Themorphinewaskeepingherasleep.Myeyesdartedaroundtheroomatthewindows,theflowers,andthewayNanalooked.Iwasstrugglingveryhardtotakeitallin,knowingthatthiswouldbethelasttimeIeversawheralive.
Islowlysatdownacrossfromher.Itookherlefthandandhelditinmine,brushingaswaylockofgoldenhairawayfromherface.Iopenedmymouthtospeakbutnothingcameout.Icouldnotgetoverhowawfulshelookedsittingthere,helpless.
Thenithappened.Herlittlehandwrappedaroundminetighterandfighter.Hervoicebeganwhatsoundedlikeasofthowl.Sheseemedtobecryinginpain.Andthen,shespoke.
「Jessica.」Plainasday.Myname.Mine.Outof4children,2son-in-laws,1daughter-in-law,and6grandchildren,sheknewitwasme.
Atthatmoment,itwaslikesomeonewasshowingafamilyfilmstripinmyhead.IsawNanaatmybaptizing.Isawheratmyfourteendancerecitals.Isawherbringingmerosesandbeamingwithpride.Isawhertapdancingonourkitchenfloor.IsawherpointingatherownwrinkledcheeksandtellingmethatitwasfromherthatIinheritedmybigdimples.IsawherplayinggameswithusgrandkidswhiletheotheradultsateThanksgivingdinner.IsawhersittingwithmeinmylivingroomatChristmastimeadmiringourbrightlydecoratedtree.IthenlookedatherasshewasandIcried.
Iknewshewouldneverseemyfinalseniordancerecital.Iknewshewouldneverseemecheerforanotherfootballgame.IknewshewouldneversitwithmeandadmireourChristmastreeagain.Iknewshewouldneverseemegoofftomyseniorprom.Iknewshewouldneverseemegraduatefromhighschoolorcollegeorseemegetmarried.AndIknewshewouldneverbetherethedaymyfirstchildwasborn.Thismadetearaftertearrolldownmyface.
Butaboveall,IcriedbecauseIfinallyknewhowshehadfeltthedayIhadbeenborn.Shehadlookedthroughwhatshesawontheoutsideandlookedtotheinsideandsawalife.
Islowlyreleasedherhandfrommineandbrushedawaythetearsstaininghercheeks,andmine.Istood,leanedover,kissedher,andsaid,「Youlookbeautiful.」
我從來都不認為我很瞭解她。她好像一直離我很遠。毫無疑問，我愛她。從我出生那天我們就分享這份愛。我帶著一個扭曲的腦袋和一張醜陋的面容來到這個世界，這些只是因為母親的難產。家人和朋友都皺著鼻子看著我這個丑小孩。他們都評論我像一個挨了打的足球隊員。但是她不。祖母覺得我很漂亮。她看著懷裡的這個丑小孩，眼睛裡閃著幸福的光芒。她說她的第一個孫女「很美」。
在我高一期末考試前，祖母去世了。七年前，醫生診斷她患了老年癡呆症。於是，我們的家人都成了這種病的專家，漸漸的，她離開了我們。
她只能斷斷續續地說話。幾年後，她的話越來越少，到最後她一句話也說不出來了。我們很幸運能聽到她偶爾的話語。之後家人都明白她就要走了。
祖母去世前大約一周，她全身僵硬，無法自理了。於是醫生決定把她送到特護院。這個地方人一旦進去就永遠不可能出來了。
我告訴父母我很想去看她。我一定要去。難以自控的好奇心超越了那令我膽戰心驚的害怕。
兩天後，媽媽把我帶到了特護院。祖父和兩個姑媽也在，但他們都在走廊裡，我獨自進了病房。她閉著眼睛，癱坐在床邊一個大的帶絨毛的椅子上，嘴巴麻木地張著。她在嗎啡的藥力下睡著了。我用眼睛飛快地掠過病房的窗戶、鮮花，還有奶奶的面孔。我拚命地要記住這裡的一切，我明白這將是我最後一次看到她活著的樣子了。
我慢慢地坐在她面前。我拿起她的左手，緊緊地握著，撩起她臉上的一縷金髮。我想說什麼，但卻說不出來。看到她無助地坐著，我難以忍受這種淒涼。
就在那時，她消瘦的手緊緊地握住了我的手。她發出微弱的呻吟，彷彿是痛苦地想要哭泣。她說話了。
「傑西卡。」很清楚，是我的名字。她有四個孩子，兩個女婿，一個兒媳婦，六個孫輩，她居然記得我。
當時我的腦海裡就像是放一部家庭電影。我看到奶奶給我施洗禮；看到奶奶來我的舞蹈晚會；看到奶奶送我的玫瑰，帶著愉快的驕傲；看到奶奶在廚房的地板上跳踢踏舞；看到奶奶指著自己佈滿皺紋的臉頰，還說我的酒窩是遺傳她的；看到感恩節的宴會上大人們都在吃東西，奶奶卻在和我們一起玩遊戲；看到聖誕節時奶奶和我一起在客廳讚賞美麗的聖誕樹。我看著此時的她，不禁淚流滿面。
我知道她再也看不到我的畢業舞會了。我知道她再也看不到我為另一場足球賽做拉拉隊了。我知道她再也不能跟我一起稱讚聖誕樹了。我知道她再也看不到我去參加高中畢業晚會了。我知道她再也看不到我中學、大學畢業，也看不到我結婚時的樣子了。我知道她是不會出現在我第一個孩子降臨的那天了。此時的我早已泣不成聲。
但是最重要的是，我哭是因為我最終理解了我降臨時她的感覺。她通過外表看到深處，看到了……生命。
我慢慢放開她的手，拭去我們臉頰上的淚水。我站著，俯下身子，吻她，說，「您真美！」
記憶填空
1.FamilymembersandfriendswrinkledtheiratthedisfiguredbabyIwas.TheyallcommentedonmuchIlookedlikeabeat-upfootballplayer.Butno,not.NanathoughtIwas.Hereyestwinkledwithsplendorandhappinessatthebabyinherarms.
2.Shealwaysinfragmentedsentences.Astheyears,thewordsshespokebecamefewerand,untilfinallyshesaidnothingatall.Wewereluckytogetoneoccasionaloutofher.Itwasthenourfamilyknewshewastheend.
佳句翻譯
1.我從來都不認為我很瞭解她。她好像一直離我很遠。
2.我想說什麼，但卻說不出來。看到她無助地坐著，我難以忍受這種淒涼。
3.但是最重要的是，我哭是因為我最終理解了我降臨時她的感覺。她通過外表看到深處，看到了……生命。
短語應用
1.Icameintothisworldwithabashedheadanddeformedfeaturesbecauseofthehardlabormymotherhadgonethrough.
gothrough：參加；經受；仔細檢查；通過
2.Butaboveall,IcriedbecauseIfinallyknewhowshehadfeltthedayIhadbeenborn.
aboveall：首先；尤其是