BeingPerfecttheWayYouAre
佚名/Anonymous
Attheageof13,mylifehadappearedtohavefallenapart.Therecentdeathofmygrandmother,thesadnessanddepressionofmymother,andthesurprisereunionofmybirthmothersentmeintoacompletesenseofloss,confusionandsadness.
Igrewupinafamilyofmajorcontrol.BothparentswereEuropeanand「tooproud」toseekhelpwhenthefamilyalmostfellapartseveraltimes.IfelttheonlythingthatIcouldcontrolwaswhatIateandmostimportantly—didn』teat.InonedayIwouldconsumeabagofpopcornandthenletitcarrymefortherestoftheweek!
IhadpeoplecommentonhowgreatIlooked.「Youaresolucky—youlooksothin!」Ihonestlydidn』tevenrealizewhatIwasdoingandtheconsequencesithadandwouldhaveonmymaturingbody.
IeventuallyhadblackoutsandonedayIlandedonthecurbsidewhileonawalkwithmyparents.Mymotheryelledatmeandasked,「Areyoupregnant?」IyelledbackwhenIfinallycametoandreplied,「Ofcoursenot!Ineedaboyfriendforthattypeofeventtooccur.」Needlesstosay,mymotherdidn』tthinkmycommentwasfunnyatall!
Iblackedoutmanytimesafterthatinthehallwayatschool,athomeandotherplaces.Ilaterstartedtosufferfrommigraines,whichwouldlastformanyyears.Thelackoffoodwouldoftentriggeramigraine.Myhealthwouldonlybecomemuchworse.
IfeltgoodwhenIdidn』teatandfoundthatwheneverIwasundergreatstress,Iwouldn』teat.Ispentmanytimesgrowingupinmyhomealone.IknowIhavehugeissuesofabandonment,lossandcontrolinmylife.Thesearethecoreissuestomyanorexia.Idon』tthinkofthiswordatallasdescribingmy「non-eating」timeinmylife.Itwasinthemidtolate80』swhenIfirstmetmyboyfriend』scousin.Wemetathisparents』home.Shewaseatingapizzaslice.Whilewatchinghereat,Istartedtorecognizemyselfthroughherinthewaysheatethepizza.Itfeltreallystrangetowatchherhidemostofwhatshechewedinhernapkinfornooneelsetosee.Thatwasme!Iidentifiedwithhercompletely!Iwasrelievedtoseethattherewassomeoneelseouttherelikeme.Ididn』tevennoticehowterriblythinshewasuntilIsawaphotoofheraboutayearlater.Shewashospitalizedandwasinseriouscondition!Shelivedoutoftown,soweonlysawheronceinawhile.
Ithitreallyhometome.IknewthatifIkeptonmycontinuedpaththiswouldbeatme.Thisreallyshockedandscarredme,anditwastheturningpointinmylifeforme.Ifeltasifshewasanangelforme;rightthereinfrontofmetowarnmeofwhatmighthappentomeifIcontinued.Iwasreallylucky.
Whileatadoctor』svisit,myphysicianwarnedmethatmypoorhealthhadmuchtodowithmylackofbodyfatandmyseverethinness.Iknowshewasright.Unfortunately,duetothestressofgettingmarried,Iendeduplosinganother10poundsbeforemywedding.
Rightafterthewedding,Iwasdiagnosedwithverylatestagesofcervicaldysphasia.Ithadtobetreatedwithsurgery.Thispromptedmetostartlookingcloselyatmyotherhealthissues.Ilookedtothecomplementarycarefieldanddecidedtogobacktoschool.IearnedadegreeasaRegisteredNutritionalConsultingPractitionerandbeganconsultingothersinthefieldofnutrition.Ihavelearnedwhatyoufeedyourcellswillhelpfeedthemindandbody.Ibegandoingmanyhealingmodalities.Simultaneously,Ireallyfocusedonworkingthroughmyissues.IknowIhavecomeaverylongwayinmyjourneyofhealing.
Ihavebeenmigrainefreeforjustover7yearsnow.Itakecareofmyself!Itisworking.