AlonebutnotLonely
佚名/Anonymous
Itscaresusmorethananythingexceptdeath—beingalone.
Ourfearofalonenessissoingrainedthatgiventhechoiceofbeingbyourselvesorbeingwithothersweoptforsafetyinnumbers,evenattheexpenseoflingeringinpainful,boring,ortotallyunredeemingcompany.
Andyetmoreofusthaneverarealone.
WhilemanyAmericanshavetheirsololifestylesthrustonthem—peopledie,peoplegoaway—ahugeandgrowingpopulationischoosingtobealone.
In1955,oneintenU.S.householdsconsistedofoneperson.By1999,theproportionwasoneinthree.Singlemenandwomenaccountedfor38.9millionofthenation』s110.5millionhouseholds.By1999,singleparentswithchildrenundertheageofeighteenmadeup27.3percentofthenation』s70.9millionfamilyhouseholds.Meanwhile,manymoreAmericansaredivorcing.Inlessthanthreedecades,thenumberofdivorcedmenandwomenhasmorethanquadrupled—toatotalof18.3millionin1996,comparedto4.3millionin1970.NeverbeforeinAmericanhistoryhaslivingalonebeenthepredominantlifestyle.
Nonetheless,wepersistintheconvictionthatasolitaryexistenceistheharshestpenaltylifecanmeteout.Weloathebeingalone—anytime,anywhere,forwhateverreason.Fromchildhoodwe』reconditionedtoacceptthatwhenaloneweinstinctivelyacheforcompany,thatlonersareoutsidersyearningtogetinratherthanpeoplewhoarecontentwiththeirowncompany.
Alone,wesquanderlifebyrejectingitsfullpotentialandwastingitsremainingpromises.Alone,weacceptthatexperiencesunsharedarebarelyworthwhile,thatsunsetsviewedsinglyarenotasspectacular,thattimespentapartisfallowandpointless.
Andsowegrowoldbelievingwearenothingbyourselves,steadfastlyshunningtheopportunitiesforself-discoveryandpersonalgrowththatsolitudecouldbringus.
Wehaveevencoinedawordforthosewhoprefertobebythemselves:antisocial,asiftheywereenemiesofsociety.Theyareviewedasfriendless,suspectinaworldthatgoesaroundintwosormoreandiswaryofsolitarytravelers.
Peoplewhoneedpeoplearethreatenedbypeoplewhodon』t.Theideaofseekingcontentmentaloneisheretical,forsocietysteadfastlydecreesthatourcompletenessliesinothers.Instead,weclingtoeachotherforsolace,comfort,andsafety.
Ironically,mostofuscravemoreintimacyandcompanionshipthanwecanbear.Webegrudgeourselves,ourspouses,andourpartnerssufficientphysicalandemotionalbreathingroom,andthenbemoanthesuffocationofourrelationships.
Topointoutthesefactsisnottosuggestweshouldabandonallourcloseties.Medicalsurveysshowthatthemajorityofelderlypeoplewholivealone,yetmaintainfrequentcontactwithrelativesandfriends,ratetheirphysicalandemotionalwell-beingas「excellent」.Justasanappleadaykeptthedoctorawaywhentheywereyoung,anactivesocialcalendarappearstoservethesamepurposenow.